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Net Culture > Articles
The Co-Dependent on the Internet
Cindy Grant03/00
Online relationships can be part of a healthy lifestyle. However, relationships online can foster problems for those with codependent or addictive personalities. These personalities often have difficulty defining and maintaining appropriate boundaries. Further, persons with codependency or addiction issues often have difficulty keeping a budding, online relationship in perspective.
Healthy cyber dating, like conventional dating, evolves at a pace that's mutually comfortable for both parties. The abstract nature of the Internet permits fantasy and escape. Given this fantasy element, it is not uncommon for an online relationship to fully blossom within days or even hours. I’ve had friends who’ve sworn to complete and awe-inspiring love to a cyber lover they’ve only known for 24 hours. These lovers are completely obsessed with one another, and continue this frenetic, fast paced, compulsive love-chat for days or weeks, until reality sets in. I’ve seen it happen to too many friends. It’s not a pleasant sight -- because the reality never approaches the fantasy.
Online friendships are also at risk for problems with folks with addiction problems. Healthy friendships maintain boundaries. Unhealthy online friends often obsess over their online friends, or inappropriately prioritize their online friends above themselves or their family. Codependency/additive personalities also are at risk for developing Internet addictions, spending too many hours online, neglecting real life obligations.
People suffering from depression can fall into these traps. Desperate for companionship and an end to the depression, online buddies are sometimes elevated to unrealistic levels. Surfing, chatting, and gaming might be used unsuccessfully to fill a void.
Unhealthy cyber relationship patterns include obsessions over online lovers or online friends, an immersion into a cyber chat culture that overshadows other previously important “real life” activities, or a series of obsessive online relationships. If you recognize these patterns in yourself or in someone you care about, seek advice or a support group.
Just remember to keep the Internet and everything else in your life in perspective.